One of the most difficult things that many tech people have, are problems with relationships and communication. I was recently forwarded a document that outlines two types of relationships. I found it very appropriate to every type of relationship I have had. Parent - child, significant other, boss - employee, employer - employee, co-workers, friends. I hope you'll read over it and evaluate yourself and the relationships you have. If you find that your boss or employer is selfish, perhaps it's time you move on to that job that cares more about you.
| Selfless | Selfish |
Room to grow, expand;
Desire for other to grow. | Dependent, based on security and Comfort; use of intensity of need and infatuation as proof of love, which is hiding from fear, insecurity, loneliness. |
| Balance of Separate interests, Involved with other friends. | Total involvement, limited social life, Neglect of old friends and interests, Other meaningful relationships. |
| Encouraging each other's growth, Secure in own worth. | Preoccupation with other's behavior; Dependent on other's approval for Own identity and self-worth. |
| Grown mutual trust and openness | Jealousy, possessiveness, fears, competition, "protects supply" |
| Mutual integrity preserved, Tolerance for differences, forgiveness for mistakes | One partner's needs suspended or sacrificed to take care of the other's. All or nothing, black/white thinking. Unforgiveness / Intolerance |
| Willingness to risk and be real. | Search for perfect invulnerability, eliminates possible risks or fears. |
| Room for exploration of thoughts, feelings, wants, in and about the relationship | Reassurance through repeated ritualized feelings, and needs |
| Ability to enjoy being alone | Intolerance of being alone - unable to endure separations (even in conflict); Hang on even tighter. Undergoes withdrawal - loss of appetite, restless, lethargic, disoriented, agony. |
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